Saya mulai deinkarnasi.... .
Seiring berkembangnya bisnis kami, hubungan kami mulai memburuk karena alasan yang tidak dapat saya pahami. Banyak pernikahan yang berantakan karena alasan yang tampaknya tidak dapat dijelaskan, jadi tidak ada yang aneh dengan hal itu. Dan komunikasi dapat terputus sampai-sampai tidak mungkin untuk berbicara.
Namun, hubungan kami tampak begitu hampa alasan dan mustahil untuk didiskusikan, jauh melampaui apa pun yang dapat saya kenali sebagai kesalahpahaman pribadi atau budaya, sehingga saya menjadi bingung.
Hubungan Made dengan anak-anak kami menjadi semakin tegang. Dia tampaknya tidak menikmati kebersamaan dengan mereka dan tidak mau duduk dan membaca atau bermain game dengan kami di malam hari. Dia mengadakan pesta ulang tahun yang mewah untuk mereka, mengundang semua temannya, tetapi bahkan saat itu dia menghabiskan lebih banyak waktu dengan teman-temannya daripada dengan putra-putranya.
Dia pergi ke kelab malam, sering pulang pada dini hari. Dia sering keluar pada siang hari, katanya di salon, meskipun seberapa sering dalam seminggu seseorang perlu merapikan rambutnya?
Made segera menolak untuk melanjutkan perjalanan ke California selama dua bulan setiap tahun pada bulan Juli dan Desember agar Sean dan Brenden dapat bertemu kakek-nenek mereka—membosankan—dan Made mulai berlibur sendiri.
Awalnya saya tidak tahu, tetapi suatu malam Sean bercerita tentang bagaimana mereka bermain dengan 'Tuan Oak' saat saya pergi. Begitulah cara saya mengetahui bahwa dia sedang menjalin hubungan asmara dengan kekasihnya, seorang pelanggan Uluwatu asal Austria.
Sejak saat itu, Made dan saya tidak lagi tinggal di kamar yang sama, dan kehidupan seks kami berakhir karena saya takut dengan AIDS, tetapi kami tetap tinggal di rumah yang sama, dan kami sepakat untuk bercerai.
Pada tahun 2003, kami akhirnya memutuskan bagaimana membagi keluarga dan aset. Tidak ada pertengkaran, kedua belah pihak sepakat bahwa kami tidak menginginkan masalah dan bahwa penyelesaiannya adil. Made mengatakan bahwa ia hanya akan menandatanganinya jika tidak di Indonesia karena di Indonesia kami harus menggunakan Notaris dan ia tidak ingin orang mengetahui berapa banyak uang yang atas namanya. Ia juga memiliki seorang teman yang berprofesi sebagai pengacara dan ia mengatakan kepadanya bahwa ia tidak boleh menyebutnya sebagai "kontrak", melainkan hanya sebuah kesepakatan.
Setelah kami menandatangani perjanjian di Singapura, kami mulai membagi aset dan berbagi anak-anak serta membangun rumah kedua untuk saya, hanya beberapa ratus meter di bawah Jalan Pengembak sehingga anak-anak dapat pindah dan pulang. Tidak ada masalah.
Pada awal tahun 2005, Perjanjian Perceraian berjalan lancar, jadi kami sepakat bahwa sudah waktunya untuk bercerai. Saya akan menggunakan Kantor Hukum Austrindo di Kuta dan Made akan menggunakan Kantor Hukum Ferry, Trombine, Wikantara (FTW) di Sanur.
I begin to deincarnate . . .
As our businesses grew our relationship began to deteriorate for reasons I
couldn’t understand. Many marriages fall apart for seemingly inexplicable reasons,
so nothing unusual about that. And communications can break down to the extent that
talking is impossible.
And yet ours seemed so devoid of reason and so impossible to discuss, so far beyond
anything I could even recognize as either personal or cultural misunderstanding,
that I was bewildered.
I tried to put it together with something; the Hindu ceremonies I had taken part in? The birth of the children?
Made's relationship with Sean and Brenden became increasingly tense. She didn't seem to enjoy being with them and wouldn't sit and
read or play games with us in the evenings. She threw extravagant birthday parties for them, inviting all her friends,
but even then she spent much more time with the friends than with her sons.
She went out night-clubbing, often coming home in the early morning hours. She was often out in the day, at the
salon she said, although how often in a week does anyone need their hair done?
Made soon refused to continue going to California for two months every year in July and December so Sean and Brenden could see their grandparents—boring—and Made began to
vacation on her own.
I was unaware at first, but one evening Sean brought up how they had played with 'Mr. Oak' while I was away.
That's how I learned she was in the midst of a passionate affair with her lover, an Austrian customer of Uluwatu.
From then on Made and I no longer lived in the same room, and our sex life was over because I was afraid of AIDs,
but we stayed at the same house, and we agreed to get a divorce.
Terms of the divorce were more difficult. I did not want to commit to a divorce until we had an agreement about our children and assets. Made clearly did not want
to be pinned down and frequently denied ever saying things we had already agreed to.
But in 2003 we finally decided how to split up the family and assets. There was no fight, we agreed we did not want issues, that the settlement was fair, and that
we would write it down with witnesses to avoid further argument.
Made said she would only sign it if not in Indonesia because in Indonesia we would have to use a Notaris and she did not want people finding out how much money was in her name.
Also she had a friend who was a lawyer and he told her she should not call it a “contract,” just an agreement. I didn't care, all I wanted was something in black and white we could
refer to when needed.
After we signed the agreement
in Singapore, we began to divide the assets and share the children and build a second house for me, just a few hundred meters down Jalan Pengembak
so the children could move back and forth. There were no problems.
